The Feast Trilogy: No Guts, No Glory. Literally.

Horror and comedy can team up like Bambi and its mother. All seems fine at first. Then mother’s brains splatter over the grass. After she stops twitching hunters skin and gut her so she can be sold to a butcher who in his turn will chop her into a hundred pieces that go for a good price. The customers laugh. Cheap steaks for everyone. The horror comedy Feast trilogy by director John Gulager goes something along those lines, plus a couple of farts and alien puke. My review.

These films are not for the light hearted even though Gulager aims not to scare, but to repulse. In an entertaining way, as you will have probably guessed already. Blood, guts and intestines are a goal here, not a means, and as the title already suggests the humans that separate from them are a meal. They get prayed upon by innumerable monsters that show up from nowhere and have only one other apparent goal than simply eating people: sex. It may sound a bit immature and well, it is. Feast never tries not to be and in the mix of horror and pulp it stays funny until the very end of the last movie.

The trilogy starts of in a bar that has to be barricaded against the monster attacks. The first film is funny already, but it does aim at horror and thrill more than its sequels. The second part, Sloppy Seconds, picks up where part one left off. The monsters are not only surrounding the bar anymore, they are everywhere. This is where the trilogy shakes off the scary moments like a seven year old girl with arachnophobia shakes of a spider, so only some bloodstains and hairy bits remain. And topless women, in the case of these films. The Happy Finish continues this streak and finishes off with horrible cinematography and the coolest one-liners of all three parts.

There are many comparisons to be made to other films. Feast and its sequels are obviously a revival of eighties monster flicks like The Gremlins, Critters or even Bad Taste, although the aliens in this film are way bigger. At times it feels a lot like the Evil Dead trilogy too, especially since the focus on horror shifts more towards comedy per film. The mixture between the  genres works out differently in Feast though, as this it is not as much the masquerade of weird faces that is Army of Darkness. It does have the coolest batch of one-liners since that film. “You don’t need arms to kick ass” is the only response you can give to a character called Jean Claude Segal after his arms get bitten off.

Then the sleazy films of Troma are never far away. Feast is immature, dirty and full of stereotypes. Still, a Troma flick like Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead is a fartfest galore and at times it seems that their audience consists of twelve year olds only. Compared to that the Feast trilogy keeps a rather clean house literally, but on the other hand that doesn’t say much either. And here too the monsters are men in good old latex suits. They are not made up from computer generated images, which makes it all the more real and luckily never realistic.

Even though Feast feels like a blend of all types of horror comedy critter movies, it has a taste of its own. It is bloodier than most and Gulager uses the genre to turn it inside out. He manipulates expectations so that everything that is likely to happen in these films wont. And just when you think you have seen it all, you haven’t. It is very probable that a lot of people will not appreciate this nonsense but I don’t think Gulager cares much about that. This is modern cult with a classic ring to it and films like this aren’t meant to be enjoyed generally. If you can appreciate the lowest form of culture as an art though you can take your chances on this gassy Mona Lisa.

Mortal Kombat television series announced

The fan made video Mortal Kombat: Rebirth that went viral about six months ago made millions of people believe that a new and what seemed to be awesome film was in the pipeline. Previous attempts to make the action game work on the big screen failed miserably, but this promo had it all: Jax, Scorpion and Johnny Cage, a hint to good storytelling and action that worked cinematographically as well as, you know, testosteroneically. Today Warner Premiere announced that they are working on a live action version of the clip.

Its creator, Kevin Tancharoen, will also be directing the longer version. He made the video knowing that nothing real could come out of it and he even got actor and martial artist Michael Jay White to play Jax. Luckily his action packed short movie got picked up by a studio. I must admit I almost slid out of my chair in the midst of choking on my coffee reading Tancharoen’s name six months ago, as he was mainly known for the horrible remake of the already horrible dance flick Fame. Before that the 26 year old director choreographed Britney Spears’ dance routines. His Mortal Kombat video does look really promising though, so let’s hope this will reflect in the series. Filming will start early February. Fight! Flawless victory. Fatality! See below for the Rebirth clip.

Shadow Hunters: bloody swordplay and topless women

Ahh, the chanbara, the samurai film in all its diversity. Some seem like a western, some reflect on the histroy of Japan, others are just plain bloody and many of them are a combination of these elements. Like most film genres, they come in different gradations of seriousness. Japanese swordplay movies had their golden era in the sixties and most of the films from that decade are about corruption, loyalty and protecting the weak. Unlike a lot of their later counterparts they are not as violent as they are tragic though. Many of its characters are plagued by an internal conflict about good, evil and honour. But then came the seventies…

Exploitation reflects heavily through the swordplay genre in this decade. Blood became redder per movie, just like it sprayed further. This is the era that inspired Tarantino to make Kill Bill. It was the era were the story wasn’t about the story anymore, but about the blood that could derive from it (and with some luck a pair of breasts too). In the films about the incorruptible policeman Hanzo the Razor for instance, many a unwilling female suspect got the Hanzo treatment, meaning his irresistible penis which would make her sing like a bird. With the “victim’s” intelligence Hanzo would go out to cut open some freshly exposed foes that threatened society’s moralities. Then there is the Lone Wolf and Cub series about a ronin and his son travelling through Japan to defeat the clan that destroyed their life. The baby cart his son rides in is actually a death machine full of hidden weapons and traps, ready to kill at will.

In this era some of the cheesiest films were made and although they are not as good as the aforementioned Hanzo or Lone Wolf, they guarantee a lot of fun (and blood) for those who believe cheesiness is a style in itself. One of them is Shadow Hunters, or Kage Gari in Japan. It’s about three drifting samurai that protect a local clan against the corrupt government spies called Shadows. The ronin have to deliver a seal to Edo to get the government off the back of the clan, but surely they wont reach that city without a hack and a slash. On the contrary even, since the shogunate sends out a ton of spies and ninjas against them. You don’t need to understand a lot about chanbaras to predict that the enemies will end up leaking blood at best or miss some limbs if they are not that lucky. A special notion goes out to the make up effects, which are pretty decent for a film like this. Heads on bamboo sticks really look like heads on bamboo sticks, to give an example. It is also an example of the level of gore, which is pretty high even compared to other chanbaras from this time.

Kage Gari has a distinct seventies feel about it. That is not just because one of the main characters has a porno mustache. The sound effects are cheep and the music has a blaxploitation ring to it at all the wrong moments. That just doesn’t sound right when watching a Japanese period piece, but it does ad to the cheese flavour of this B-flick. That is meant as a compliment for those who didn’t catch the tone of this review yet. Another compliment goes out to the exploitational nudity of some girls that wilfully throw themselves at the feet of our heroes. Sure, I am all about equal rights and all, but not in films like this. Here women need to be submissive and that they are. The only girl that reveals herself as a spy gets cut in half. Topless. Blood fountain. Cool!

So here we have a fine but forgotten example of the sixties counterpart of the samurai film. It is not tragic by far, the samurai here hunt government spies to kill them dead and blood flows richly. This film is all about fun and although it never gets to be Hanzo the Razor of even Lady Snowblood, it does offer just that. Avid fans of B-movies, chanbaras or a combination of those two will most likely enjoy this one a lot.

Red Band Clip for Cage’s Drive Angry

Take a look at this red band clip for the new Nicolas Cage action flick Drive Angry 3D. It’s violent and messy, but where did we see this before?

Here is the Cage version

Here is the other version (on click further than the previous video)

That’s right, it has been done before. Now let us see how angry Cage really is. I expect very. He is on a vengeance streak after the murder of his daughter. Of course a murdered daughter will make a lot of people angry, but Cage reacts with guns and a car (and apperently a blonde bimbo). Sex and violence, the pilars of modern society. I for one can’t wait to see it. Release date is the 25th of February. And remember: drive safely!

A Q&A with 127 Hours director Danny Boyle

Empire Magazine had quite an entertaining web chat between its readers and 127 Hours director Danny Boyle. His latest film is about the 127 hours in which mountaineer Aron Ralston (played by James Franco) was trapped in a canyon with his arm stuck under a rock. As most of you will probably know Ralston had to cut off part of his limb with a pocket knife to make it home alive. But before he could start cutting he had to break the bone, pull a socket, take care of the bleeding and… well, just watch the film for details.

Boyle adapted this story as if it were filmed with a camcorder, making the realism of the film only more unnerving. You can find Empire’s web chat here, also for questions on Boyle’s other films like 28 Days Later and Slumdog Millionaire. Or just watch the video about James Franco’s grandmother who did not look away during the sawing and cutting bits. 127 Hours will hit Dutch theatres in February, UK viewers can go see it tomorrow.

Actor Pete Postlewhaite dies at 64

Actor and film legend Pete Postlewhaite died today at age 64. The Bitish gentleman played in recent films such as The Town, Inception, Clash of the Titans, Solomon Kane and Player. He received an Oscar nomination for In The Name of the Father in 1994. Although he was undergoing treatment for cancer, he kept on acting.  For his full filmography you can click here.

Quentin Tarantino’s interesting 2010 top 20

A rather unpredictable list of films crossed my eye this morning. But before I go into that, imagine the film taste of director Quentin Tarantino: Japanese sword fighting, 70s gangster flicks, bla-/e-xploitation, Hong Kong action cinema and a couple of other gritty sub genres. Now let us take a look at his favourite film of last year: Toy Story 3. Do you notice the discrepancy? The complete list by the man that brought you Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and Inglourious Basterds has some earnest drama in it and even more friendly animation (Tangled at number 5 and How to Train Your Dragon at 17). Not yet released in The Netherlands, but highly anticipated by me, yours truly, are The Fighter at number 14 and the Coen’s western remake True Grit at 6. I wonder where he left Black Swan though. See below for the complete list as seen at the Tarantino Archives:

1. Toy Story 3

2. The Social Network

3. Animal Kingdom

4. I Am Love

5. Tangled

6. True Grit

7. The Town

8. Greenberg

9. Cyrus

10. Enter the Void

11. Kick-Ass

12. Knight and Day

13. Get Him to the Greek

14. The Fighter

15. The King’s Speech

16. The Kids Are All Right

17. How to Train Your Dragon

18. Robin Hood

19. Amer

20. Jackass 3-D

Hypnotism: Le Quattro Volte

Sometimes a film can be hypnotic, but not many are. With hypnotic I do not mean a picture that can make you forget about the world around you, or even suck you into a filmic world. Lots of films can do that, but not many can rock their audience to a sub conscious level, as if they were dreaming. The slow paced and poetic imagery of Le Quattro Volte does have that power. Director Michelangelo Frammartino uses his camera as an all seeing eye over the landscapes of Calabria, a southern region of Italy where time still is running slowly. In this place he captures the journey of a soul through four different stages.

Frammartino’s philosophy is that man in Calabria is still equal to animals, plants and minerals. One soul travels through these four levels, in that order. In this film it starts with a goatherd, who’s physique is as ridgy as the world he lives in. Times of labour have made him frail and old. His life is simple and traditional and he believes in archaic rituals still. The man is sick, but he finds a medicine for his ails in the dust of an old church floor. This herd is not the main character though, since Le Quattro Volte has none. Possibly not even the unseen soul that passes on from the herd to a newborn goat, to a majestic tree and eventually to traditionally made charcoal for the completion of its journey.

The director documents Calabria from a great distance. Close ups are only used when he deems it necessary to explore his characters from nearby. In that case he lets the camera get nearer and sometimes even extremely near, but intimate moments like those are rare. In long takes Le Quattro Volte goes by like a drifting cloud, slowly changing but never losing form. Some long takes truly show a master at work and one frame can display multiple actions since the camera is merely observing Calabria as time eases by. Because the observation takes place form such a distance, this film has no need for speech. Music is missing as well, as it would only distract from the images. Sound effects of the region are audible though, with some sounds that hint to a storyline. Even so, most of the times the viewer has to discover his own story. Frammartino will only guide the viewer through the landscapes along with the soul. It is a journey worth experiencing, as this is one of the best films 2010 had to offer.

Sarcastic Assault’s 2010 Movie Top Ten Part Two!

As promised the second half of my top ten, because I survived skiing. I recommend you watch all the films in the list. Only girls aren’t allowed to see #5.

05. Expendables, The (2010)

What to write about this picture? I looked forward to it like a rabid doberman looks forward to biting calves. I mean, Stallone, Statham, Rourke, Li, Lundgren, Austin, Roberts and even Willis and Schwarzenegger in one action flick? Who cares that there are a few names left out? If the Van Dammes, Norisses and Seagals had been added to the mix this project would have literally exploded. A film strip can not hold that much testosterone without breaking. I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed after seeing the film the first time though, because the group of muscles seem like a collected bunch of actors without a tight bonding. Not at al like the military teams from Predator or Aliens. Now there are some soldiers that made me believe that they had gone to hell and back with each other. But as the plot thickens (gheh…), this film warps us back to the eighties. It has a modern look but a good ole’ old fashioned feel. And a lot of gunpower. Praise Stallone. He may be old in years but he seems to be the only one left who knows how to approach the eighties properly and play a leading role as action hero still. Fans who haven’t seen this one yet: Shame. On. You.

04. Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

Snappy and well made are the two terms to sum up this stop motion picture. Leave it to Wes Anderson to blend sarcasm and wittiness to a cocktail that immediately tastes like more. Based on the novel by Roald Dahl, it is about a fox stealing from three local farmers. In their turn they try to outsmart the fox. Bad idea of course. The stop motion of this films looks a bit stiff perhaps, but that is actually the most charming bit. The audience doesn’t have to believe that they are looking at something real as if this were Pixar animation. As usual Anderson took his pick from a great bunch of actors. Although George Clooney will always sound like George Clooney he makes a great Mr Fox. He has the right feeling for the dialogue. It is hard to approach a film like this the right way, because it is actually a children’s story written for an adult audience. The director knew exactly what the strength of the story was though and he grabbed it by the nuts.

03. Shutter Island (2010)

Martin Scorsese is a good filmmaker. There is no doubt about that. But his last couple of pictures haven’t been as good as his early work. Shutter Island is. It is dark, claustrophobic and unheimisch. It is about an FBI agent investigating a case in the fifties. A special case, since it is on a well fortified island full of mental patients. At first it seems like one angry complot that he is where he is, but after an autumn storm makes his return to the mainland impossible, it begins to look like he is both literally and figuratively trapped on the island. Scorsese then starts playing a game of Cluedo with the audience. DiCaprio is believable in his part of the agent. The big twist of Shutter Island is predictable and badly written though (the film is based on the novel of overrated author Dennis Lehane, although no bad picture has been adapted from his books), but it are the second, third and fourth viewings that make up the strength of this film. It is good to know how it ends and then see it again. There are so many fine details to discover, including the incredible acting.

02. Social Network, The (2010)

I had some doubt about this film before I saw it. I think many people did. Director David Fincher made me hope for the best, but a film about Facebook? With Jesse Eisenberg, the B-version of Michael Cera, as the male lead? By god I like it when I am proven wrong. The best way to see a film is to have your low expectations blown away by a very good movie experience. And this is that exactly. Writer Alan Sorkin wrote this script as tight as a steers backside during a rodeo. It is witty, a bit sarcastic and above all very smartly written. Fincher transformed this into the picture about how Facebook came to be. The characters all have their motives, but in the end greed nor friendship seem to be the driving matters behind the legal quarrel that drives founders Zuckerberg and Saverin apart. It is up to the viewer to be the judge on this case. Eisenberg plays Zuckerberg as if he were him; an Oscar can only be the best conclusion for this role. He suddenly became the A-version of himself.

01. Road, The (2009)

Did I already mention I like post apocalyptic films on my blog? Well I do. I like them loads. Especially when they are well made and thought out well. That last point should not be underestimated if the theme is approached realistically. Director John Hillcoat did not underestimate it, although the book he based this project on was a good starting point. Perhaps The Road can be compared best with Michael Haneke’s Le Temps Du Loup, but this picture is less pessimistic about the human race after the fall of modern society. Not that this film is optimistic, oh no. It is dark, muddy and very pessimistic indeed. Survivor Viggo Mortensen has to stay alive together with is son, while overcoming disease and the loss of his wife. It is, as the title suggests, a road movie. The Road searches for the human psyche in the darkest of hours and I think it is one of the most believable films in the genre. Therefore it holds a well deserved first place in my top ten.

Sarcastic Assault’s 2010 Movie Top Ten Part One!

While the beginning of 2010 seems like almost a year ago the inevitable time of list making comes closer. Do years go by without ten memorable films? No. There are always plenty of good pictures coming out and luckily some are better than others. Here is the first half of my personal top ten. Do you miss a title? Please leave a comment. Do you think my list is stupid? Please leave a comment. I will gladly explain why you are wrong. For international viewers: there are some titles that date back to 2009, but that is simply because Dutch theatrical releases are shit. Pardonnez moi mon Français. That is why films like Black Swan or The King’s Speech might be missing  (I haven’t had the chance to see them yet. Perhaps they’ll show up on my list next year). I will post the second half after my skiing vacation, if I make it back alive.

10.  Hetedik Kör, A (2009)

This rather unknown film from Hungary deserves a bit more publicity than it got. I do admit I saw it by accident at the Dutch Imagine Film Festival myself, but I was taken by its effectiveness. The film is about young Sebastyén, a boy that appears to have no friends or family. When he is accepted in a small group of children he starts to influence their thoughts about life and death. It is actually based on real events, although the story itself is fictive. Sebastyén as a character is placed to the background of the film, which makes him all the more mysterious. The Seventh Circle (international title) is captivating and has a horrific ending which will keep the viewer’s thoughts occupied a long time after the picture has ended.

09.  La Horde (2009)

I haven’t read a lot of good stuff about this French zombie shooter. The main critique was about the lack of gore and the simple plot. I think many people expected horror. This is horror, but it is an action flick before that. So do not expect a picture like the Spanish [Rec], which has a similar set up: people get trapped inside a large building where zombies are on the loose. In [Rec] people run from them, as its setting is claustrophobic and scary. In La Horde the characters confront them. With big guns, fists, some grenades and an axe. It’s bloody but not gorey. It’s scary but not terrifying. And above all it is a lot of fun to see man versus zombie this directly. People who know of the game Left4Dead will know what I mean. The characters in this film possess some big stones, as zombie killing is made a fun business.

08. Iron Man 2 (2010)

Iron Man 2 is all I need from a big superhero blockbuster. It is action packed. It isn’t serious in any way. It is a bit sarcastic even. It has Scarlett Johansson and Gwyneth Paltrow as female characters. It has Robert Downey Jr. as the male lead. It has a man in a robot suit that shoot lasers out of his hands. It has fast cars, a great cast, a big finale, great special effects, a simple story between good and bad, a second man in a robot suit, more robots gone haywire, a build up to new stories and a list without an ending about all the great stuff in it. Too bad director John Favreau has departed from this series, so another sequel about Iron Man won’t be from his hand. I had a great time with this ultimate popcorn flick.

07. Inception (2010)

This film started with a big hype. It was supposed to be mind boggling, warped and ground shaking all at once. It wasn’t. So why is it on the seventh place of my top ten then? Because it is a great and unique blockbuster nonetheless. The story isn’t complicated at all (a dream in a dream in a dream, whoa!) and you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to get the story, but it is entertaining to say the least. Combined with some great computer graphics it is the biggest heist film of the last decade, especially since it is a sci-fi heist film. The pace of the film is amazingly fast so there is ample time to get bored. Because of the pace the story seems hard to keep track of, but that is just a great part of the trick Batman director Christopher Nolan plays.

06. Rampage (2009)

Are there people that really hate the films of Uwe Boll? I think not. He has made so many flops that it is hard to keep track of them, but for some reason his work is always entertaining. It might be the bad acting, the bad directing, the bad writing or the bad special effects that do amuse in the end. I don’t know. Perhaps it’s a combination. But then came rampage. A fantastic film by Uwe Boll. I’ll repeat it for you non-believers. A fantastic film by Uwe Boll. It’s about a kid that has enough of our modern day society, so he takes his beef to the street. In heavy armour. The small town he’s from is in for one bad day, as he will shoot all in sight. It doesn’t get more complicated than that, although Boll does comment on society through the main character. He is introduced well too, which is good for the impact of his deeds on the viewer. Boll’s camera is shaky, as if placed on the shoulder of the mass murderer. It adds to the realism. Although this is no adaptation of a game for once (Boll is mainly known for that), it does feel very game like. Rampage is brutal, realistic and something that has never been done before on this level. Well done!